I had decided to take a creative writing class at the local community college.
I shuffled in nervous, looking around the room, assessing everyones age and realizing I was the only person in my mid-twenties.
I took a seat next to some unenthusiastic student. Taking this class to fill credit hours.
I wondered how he could look so bored already?
I was excited to be here.
Reading and someone giving me the opportunity to write? that sounded like a vacation.
Our first assignment was to write a poem about something that was important to us.
I remember I wrote about my future. The ever changing pathways.
I didn’t think anyone would read it besides the teacher and myself.
Little did I know I was wrong.
On the second day of class our poems were projected onto a screen for everyone to see.
Once the first poem went up — my heart started to race..
My writing is like a piece of my soul
It is personal.
I had never really exposed anyone to it.
The second poem went up
it seemed like everyone but me knew this was going to happen.
Poems about dogs,
and then mine went up.
I felt an uneasy silence throughout the whole room.
The teacher briefly read through it, commenting on the structure..
and taking a few to many seconds to stare at me.
That was my first public display of work.
I will never forget it.
It was as if I was standing naked in a room full of strangers. As they read my thoughts out loud.
Out of body experience.
Sometimes I can’t seem to help it.
One minute I am here,
the next I am flying on autopilot.
Going through the motions,
sometimes I am just going through the motions.
The rollercoaster of my life.
Feeling my consciousness float in and out.
Grasping on to reality,
and slowly letting it go.
So easy to disconnect from the world,
scared of holding on,
scared of planting two feet on the ground.
or maybe I just enjoy being a tumbleweed..
floating wherever my emotions blow me.
At times, when I am crashing back to reality,
when the autopilot switch is flipped off,
and I am thrown into the center of this life,
I have these epiphanies…
and I wonder how a person like me ended up here..
stuck in the confines of these laws,
when I have always been one to push the boundaries,
paying attention to details that don’t matter,
living each day half way in a fantasy world..
Is this the right path?
or was I meant for something more?
Somedays it’s easy
Steady pace, Ideal weather,
Other days I am fighting tooth and nail for every inch
Pausing somedays to ponder…
Is this the right path?
Have I chosen the right mountain?
Can I make it to the top?
Nothing ever worth having comes easy,
I truly believe that now.
So I keep climbing this mountain..
Knowing someday when I reach the top..
When this climb is complete..
I will look around at the magnificent view from above,
Think about all the obstacles I overcame to get here,
And rejoice in my feat.