Swollen eyes and
When will we learn?
Oh, love is rotten.
Love is kind.
Love is tricky.
Love is blind.
We dance, and dance,
and waste our time.
and losing our minds.
Oh, love is rotten.
Love is kind.
but don’t you worry, you’ll always be mine.
And you were strong,
Dirty blonde hair,
So confident in your wicked ways,
Loose grip on loose drinks,
Talking about how the past was better left buried.
The unwavering confidence,
That’s when you had me,
That’s when I pushed the chips all in.
Some skeletons are better left in the closet,
And you’d finally arrived to help me nail that door shut,
My knight in shining armor.
Spring faded to Summer,
And Fall faded to Winter,
And I’m traveling..
Steady traveling back to what I once knew,
Please don’t let it be a mirage
Please tell me it wasn’t a mirage.
Relationships are like newly laid carpet
In the beginning you are so very careful
Don’t dirty what’s new
Then as time passes and the excitement wears off
The newness doesn’t seem as new
You start taking risks
Shoes on but they’re clean – I’ll run through just this once
Slowly but surely the mistakes
Start to dirty what once was new
Until you drop a glass of wine
The worst bomb yet
And you are on your hands and knees
Trying to soak up and take away the eye sore
Wondering how it happened
If you could just have kept it new
Once a whore always a whore.
The words trickle down like rain.
Words once said in anger..
Can never be unheard again.
The story of my love life,
Starts to paint that familiar picture.
Jealousy, Love, Anger, Lust,
How can anything be sustainable without trust?
One tiny stone into the water creates a thousand ripples.
And I scramble trying to end each ripple. Trying to make it smaller than the last.
Controlling the uncontrollable – it’s not an easy task.
I don’t know whats worse
The stacking up
but never adding up.
but just not good enough.
It starts out ever so small,
a nagging feeling,
pulling at the heart strings in my chest,
and then I give in…
and it spirals…
until I am in a whirlwind of your old memories,
with all these striking similarities
Maybe it means something
or maybe it means nothing.
Oh, thats the problem with jealousy.
103 days since I’ve put pen to paper and released whatever it is I’m feeling.
103 days I was lost, searching for what I was missing and now..
Now it’s found.
I’m a writer by nature which is funny..
I’ve always been clumsy with my words.
My vocabulary not very expansive.
My imagination has always ran
I’ve felt more than I should
So I wrote
I wrote for inner peace and to make sense of the chaos around me.
I wrote to find feeling
I wrote to touch the bottom of the deepest wells of sorrow
And maybe that’s why I haven’t written
I found love
And well as love goes you get totally absorbed in it
But I’ve been dreaming of writing again
So here I am..
I just want to light a match and watch it burn.
All the conversations with hidden meanings.
Thinking I knew but not really knowing.
Holding you arms distance away but watching your essence slowly slip into me.
I am lucky I took the blinders off.
Lucky it never went further than it did.
Whispers in the dark of what could be.
Compromising and not even knowing it.
I don’t know what it is.
How similar we are?
How me being half crazy has never scared you away?
How our chemistry is electric and could set fire to this room?
How unattainable you are?
I thought I wanted one thing.
or maybe I figured it was the only way I could have you.
Twisted in-between the sheets.
Oh how I long to be twisted and tangled up with you.
It’s more than that though.
I realize that now.
So of course I had to cut all ties.
You could never love me.
Hell you could never like me.
Foolish girl lust and love are so different.
I barely got out of this one.
Now all that’s left is silence.
We sit there silently next to one another.
I pretend you don’t exist,
and well you.. you pretend it doesn’t bother you.
The silent buzz of our bodies being that close, but unreachable.. I try and ignore it.
I don’t know how long this could possibly go on for..
but I do know I need to try and keep my distance.
will dull whatever it is my crazy heart thinks it wants.