Dedication Pages

Tags

author, books, class, creative writing, diary, imagery, law school, Life, Love, poetry, quote, quotes, school

“What makes a good beginning to a book?” He asked puzzled.

“The hook, where you learn of the journey the character must embark on”

“The depth of the imagery”

All great answers I thought in my head.

But it wasn’t quite right.

At least not for me.

How do I know this is going to be a great novel?

I open the book and read my favorite part first..

The dedication page.

It’s where the truth behind the author lies.

“To all we’ve lost and all we’ve gained”

“With all my love, for him”

See it’s in the dedication page..

The raw emotion

Or lack there of.

The soul of the author.

That’s my favorite part.

That’s what hooks me in the beginning.

Hello sweater weather

Tags

diary, fall, holidays, Life, Love, moving on, nature, poetry, relationships, warmth, weather, winter, women, writing

She woke up cold yet comfortable,

Wondering what happened to the
hot
humid summer that plagued her earlier this week.

Rolling over sleepy eyed and fiddling for her phone,

The weather is in the 50’s? So fall has finally arrived?

She felt a sense of warmth in her chest.

Sweater weather

Leaves changing from grass green to sunset orange and red

Tea and honey nuzzled in front of the fire

Holiday feasts and presents galore

Family memories

Turkey and Tree lightings.

Hello fall and almost winter, how I’ve missed you so.

Bus stop

Tags

diary, job, Life, Love, poetry, work, writing

She was standing there,

A dimly lit cigarette in her hand.

Sweater faded from age.

Waiting.

Waiting for her minimum wage paying job.

Waiting.

Waiting for this life she hesitated to call her own.

It’s funny when you’re young,

And your dreams feel so real you can almost taste them.

Life zigged,

When it should have zagged.

Broken relationships,

Broken aspirations,

Learning to get by.

I live everyday just living and learning to get by.

What’s enough?

Tags

diary, future, Life, Love, poetry, summer, worthy, writing

Often I feel as though I am not enough.

Am I enough to keep you still and calm your wandering eye?

Is our love comparable?

Will I ever be worthy of it?

At times I feel guilty.

You express so much love.

So much unconditional love.

At times it is a struggle for me,

a struggle to not be selfish,

a struggle to not give up.

I want to give you as much as you give me,

but how is that even possible.

Maybe that’s what happens when you find the person you are meant to be with.

You keep striving to be better.

You keep striving to be worthy.

You keep questioning.

I really hope that’s true.

I can’t really imagine a future without you in it,

summer day,

green grass,

blonde haired babies running around the garden.

Oh what I wouldn’t give to quiet my constant rambling mind.

Sail

Tags

Life, Love, poetry, quote, quotes, sail, writing

And I felt the sudden urge to sail away.
Explore unknown waters of my soul.
I always get that running feeling,
When things get hot and heavy,
And I start to feel like I’m losing myself.
But I know that’s just the restlessness in myself ..
Always moving..
Never static.

Success

Tags

diary, Happiness, Life, Love, motivation, mountain, poetry, quote, quotes, success, work, writer, writing

Somedays it’s easy
Steady pace, Ideal weather,
Fast stride.
Other days I am fighting tooth and nail for every inch
Pausing somedays to ponder…
Is this the right path?
Have I chosen the right mountain?
Can I make it to the top?
Nothing ever worth having comes easy,
I truly believe that now.
So I keep climbing this mountain..
Knowing someday when I reach the top..
When this climb is complete..
I will look around at the magnificent view from above,
Think about all the obstacles I overcame to get here,
And rejoice in my feat.

103 days

Tags

chaos, clumsy, hello, Life, Love, men, poetry, relationships, women, writing

103 days since I’ve put pen to paper and released whatever it is I’m feeling.

103 days I was lost, searching for what I was missing and now..

Now it’s found.

I’m a writer by nature which is funny..

I’ve always been clumsy with my words.

My vocabulary not very expansive.

However,

My imagination has always ran
wild

I’ve felt more than I should

So I wrote

I wrote for inner peace and to make sense of the chaos around me.

I wrote to find feeling

And purpose…

I wrote to touch the bottom of the deepest wells of sorrow

And maybe that’s why I haven’t written

I found love

And well as love goes you get totally absorbed in it

All consuming

But I’ve been dreaming of writing again

So here I am..

Thinking you know but not really knowing

Tags

friends, letting go, Life, Love, lust, men, moving on, relationship, sex, women

I just want to light a match and watch it burn.

All the conversations with hidden meanings. 

Thinking I knew but not really knowing.

Holding you arms distance away but watching your essence slowly slip into me.

I am lucky I took the blinders off.

Lucky it never went further than it did.

Whispers in the dark of what could be.

Compromising and not even knowing it.

I don’t know what it is.

How similar we are?

How me being half crazy has never scared you away?

How our chemistry is electric and could set fire to this room?

How unattainable you are?

I thought I wanted one thing.

or maybe I figured it was the only way I could have you.

Twisted in-between the sheets.

Oh how I long to be twisted and tangled up with you.

It’s more than that though.

I realize that now.

So of course I had to cut all ties. 

You could never love me.

Hell you could never like me.

Foolish girl lust and love are so different.

I barely got out of this one.

Now all that’s left is silence.

We sit there silently next to one another.

I pretend you don’t exist,

and well you.. you pretend it doesn’t bother you.

The silent buzz of our bodies being that close, but unreachable.. I try and ignore it.

I don’t know how long this could possibly go on for..

but I do know I need to try and keep my distance.

Space 

miles

and miles

of space

will dull whatever it is my crazy heart thinks it wants. 

 

Rose colored glasses

Tags

letting go, Life, Love, lust, men, moving on, quotes, relationships, sex, women, writing

You think you know exactly what you want. 

Until you get it and realize you have no idea.

You live with yourself day in and day out, still you can’t seem to figure out what exactly it is you need.

It had been so long, a winter wasteland in my love life. 

The carnal knowledge of another. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to give myself away.

Why?

i felt I needed to live up to these womanly standards. 

Whatever sexual desires I needed, well those needed to be buried deep down inside until a worthy suitor came around.

Why did I feel so guilty…

So guilty wanting just sex?

I don’t need to fit into any role. I am human. I have the same desires as every other mammal on this planet.

I took the plunge.

Sweet,

satisfaction…..

and it felt amazing.

I don’t feel guilty anymore.

Not about letting go.

I was so desperate for intimacy before but I was denying it to myself.

In turn I was putting up with the biggest assholes on the planet.

I no longer have rose colored glasses on.

It’s crazy honestly.

There are people sexually I no longer desire. 

and theres someone, i thought I only wanted that carnal knowledge from, but I realized theres more. 

So Cheers to letting go,

and being the dirty little girl I wanted to be.

Cheers to cutting ties,

and throwing off those rose colored glasses.

 

Lustful

Tags

Life, Love, lust, men, moving on, relationship, romance, sex, women

Am I falling in Love?

No one can be certain.

However, I have fallen into lust.

Oh how I lust for you and walk that fine line.

Love

and

Lust

Lust

and

Love…..

How I love to be in lust with you.