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You think you know exactly what you want. 

Until you get it and realize you have no idea.

You live with yourself day in and day out, still you can’t seem to figure out what exactly it is you need.

It had been so long, a winter wasteland in my love life. 

The carnal knowledge of another. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to give myself away.

Why?

i felt I needed to live up to these womanly standards. 

Whatever sexual desires I needed, well those needed to be buried deep down inside until a worthy suitor came around.

Why did I feel so guilty…

So guilty wanting just sex?

I don’t need to fit into any role. I am human. I have the same desires as every other mammal on this planet.

I took the plunge.

Sweet,

satisfaction…..

and it felt amazing.

I don’t feel guilty anymore.

Not about letting go.

I was so desperate for intimacy before but I was denying it to myself.

In turn I was putting up with the biggest assholes on the planet.

I no longer have rose colored glasses on.

It’s crazy honestly.

There are people sexually I no longer desire. 

and theres someone, i thought I only wanted that carnal knowledge from, but I realized theres more. 

So Cheers to letting go,

and being the dirty little girl I wanted to be.

Cheers to cutting ties,

and throwing off those rose colored glasses.