The new year is right around the corner and once the month of December hits I can’t help but start to wonder what is yet to come? I love the holiday season. I love spending time with family. I love the parties and food, the endless drinks. I just love it.
I can’t deny though that the last year, year and a half really has been a rocky road. I want to make sure that 2014 is better. So of course I have started thinking about my new years resolution. I always do a three tier type thing. Mind, body, soul. It just has always seemed appropriate.
Let’s start with the mind. I am in law school and I use my brain to analyze things on a daily basis. I need to be more diligent about my studies next semester, but to be honest I am less worried about the intellectual aspect in the new year. I am more worried about being functional in other areas of my life. I have anxiety I mean that is undeniable. I just deal with it. I also have unresolved trust issues. If there is anything I have learned over the last few years, it’s that I can’t function normally in a relationship. I am either to needy or to distant. I don’t trust people and it’s hard for me to control my emotions. I need to resolve that. Writing honestly has always been my therapy. This is my outlet. This is the only place I can be completely honest and feel un-judged. Not one person in my life knows about this blog or has seen it. There is something incredibly liberating about being completely honest and not holding back. Anyways, I will always keep writing but I think I need to see someone to work through my other issues.
* Mind = Start seeing a psychologist to do some self discovery and self repair
Now on to the body baby. Everyone makes unrealistic resolutions to transform their body in the new year. That isn’t me. I don’t have big issues with my body, however I would like to incorporate working out into my lifestyle more. I go through spurts. I work out for two weeks straight then I take a week off. I want to commit to working out twice a week. Honestly, it just makes me feel good. It makes me feel accomplished. It makes me feel sexy.
* Body = Workout twice a week
Now on to the most fundamental new year resolution. Soul. I feel as though I am the type of person that literally feels everything. If you are having a bad day, I can sense it, and I can feel what it’s doing to you. My sensitivity has left me with a lot of heartbreak. I do things that are irrational because I am one of those people that at the end of the day love conquers all. or that if I just have 2 minutes of insane bravery that it will make a difference in my life. Things don’t always pan out that way. and it leaves you devastated. For my soul. I need to start wanting things that are good for me. I need to start forcing myself to climb out of this wreckage. I chase after literally all of the wrong men. I want what I can’t have. I am attracted to the dark, mysterious, bad boy. I lust after someone long after they are gone simply because they left. I am the definition of fucked up. The only way to remedy this situation, is to want to change. I have to want to change. Because this isn’t working anymore. I am making myself crazy. and worst of all other people are starting to notice. No one wants to be that crazy girl they talked to once. I need to learn how to let go, and I need to learn to stay AWAY from what is bad for me.
The tall sexy mysterious guy with the girlfriend who calls you out of the blue to mind fuck you for 72 hours then disappears again. He probably isn’t that great for you. Stop giving him the time of day every two weeks.
Or how about your ex who literally told you he thought you were the worst person alive and you still contact him when you know he doesn’t deserve your time.
and finally, the guys who don’t give you the attention and time you deserve but make sure they contact you every so often to stay present in your life. They aren’t worth it. Stop pining away after them. If he wanted to talk to you he would talk to you. He wouldn’t blow up your social media or randomly text you every so many months if he really liked you.
To make room for people who will actually treat me right. I need to start letting go of the people who aren’t. I also need to start giving the nice guys a chance.
Also not just with the male aspect of my life. I need to look at who is always there for me. Let people know, who have always been there for me that I appreciate it.
*Soul = Letting go of the bad.. Letting in the good