Lately, I have felt so wound up.
Like a loose cannon.
I try and get down to the bottom of this behavior.
and it keeps coming back to sex.
on top of
or maybe even you.
Summer has faded into fall and it’s been months now.
But then I start to think about
and inevitable bond that never seems to break.
Do I want sex?
or am I starving for passion?
The last two people I have tried to talk to, haven’t worked out.
It’s like they both had subscriptions to the same asshole newsletter that comes out monthly.
The last guy especially.
and I am just so angry still.
I am angry that I believed him,
and most of all I am angry that I feel like I some how messed it up.
I couldn’t have changed him.
Could I have?
I know I am emotional,
but with all of my flaws.. I have virtues.
If I like you.
Really like you.
There is only you.
I don’t know anymore.
Maybe I am fucking crazy. It feels like I have been going crazy lately.
Like I want to give everyone a piece of my mind.
I am tired of all of the games and bullshit.
I think I need to step down out of the dating world for a while.
Before I become so cynical that I end up alone in a dusty old house with a thousand dogs.
Part of me just wants to get laid before I step out, but the two people I constantly fantasize about would turn my insides black if I went through with it.