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One of the top five worst feelings in the world is watching someone you love slip through your fingers. You can’t help that the sparkle they once saw in you just isn’t as bright.
I think we can feel them pulling away and our instincts tell us to hold on tighter. Holding on tighter only in turn makes things worse.
I can’t change that you don’t feel the same way about me anymore. It just sucks. It sucks all around. I wake up and I know that today is not going to be the day you decide to get a hold of me. Either is tomorrow or the day after that.
You being so close doesn’t help either. I can throw a stone out of my window and it would land on your front doorstep.
Note to self don’t start dating one of the neighbors again.
All I can do at this point is let go. Wake up and tell myself over and over don’t even think about calling him.
Which is weird because we spent every moment of the last month talking to each other day and night.
Now there’s nothing but silence and you would think after three days I would be used to it but I’m not.
Of course I messed up, I asked how your day was and you were so distant.
I could feel your body just tensing up at the thought of me trying to start a conversation.
“I wish things could go back to the way they were”
Nothing but silence on the other end.
Well I already knew that’s not what you wanted.
But there was some small sliver of hope inside me that maybe you were waiting for me to apologize.
Apologize for pushing you away.
But you weren’t.
I pushed you away so you did what you had to do, forgot about me.
I guess it’s easier for guys. He didn’t have that much invested to begin with.
Now I’m struggling to turn off my humanity switch so I don’t feel a god damn thing.
I don’t even think it was him. He wasnt exceptionally funny or smart or handsome.
Mostly handsome, sometimes funny.
But I think it was the idea if him.
The idea of having someone to hold me and tell me they can’t get enough of me.
That they like me
and it was rare that I let myself like him back.
Why I chose to let this person in of all people is beyond me.
And now that he doesn’t want me anymore
It just make me want him infinitely more
That’s how sick and twisted I am these days.
So it’s the morning again. And here I am thinking about how I shouldn’t be thinking about him again.