It’s gotten easier, however not infinitely easier. I still keep wondering if I am ever going to hear from you again. I guess that’s to be expected. I think about you less, which is good. But honestly not in the big picture of things. Instead of thinking of you 100 times a day. I now only think about you 50 times.
I just keep reliving these old memories. Like a drug addict trying to savor the last hit. It’s worse at night. I lay here and my mind is free to wander.
I wonder if someone has your heart now. If you even wonder about me anymore. I know it’s inevitable. I am going to have to hear about you with somebody else. I just hope when that time comes I’m ready for it.
Ready to face that fear and not let it tear me from the inside out.
I’m always going to wonder if you felt about me the same way I always felt about you.
What exactly made you come back so many times.
What made you finally give up.
Sometimes I just sit and think about where I would want to be at this very moment..
And it’s laying in bed together. Wrapped up being perfectly still.
Things got so complicated. You aren’t one to follow your heart over your head.
I just hope that makes you happy. I hope you don’t long for me the way I long for you.
There’s so much I wish I could say. But nothing’s going to rewrite the past.
I’ve tried. I’ve tried for so long that the only thing I know how to do is let you go.
All I can hope for now is that the time, space and silence will heal me.
Jesus take the wheel.