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Often we put up with what we think we deserve. 

Close my eyes and let the bad pass through.

I am far from perfect. I have made mistakes and drawn outside the lines.

I let you punish me because maybe I deserve to be punished.

 

It’s hard you know. 

I want some of what was and most of what never will be.

I am in love with you, or maybe I am in love with the idea.

I cant tell anymore.

I pledge allegiance to your flag, but feel nothing as I stand there with my hand over my heart. 

I want to believe so badly that you love me.

That the fighting, months apart, the talking, all of it. That we went through that for something.

 

But I just don’t know anymore.

I don’t know if I want you. or if I don’t want to be lonely. or if I am scared I will never find someone I loved as much as you.

I find myself moving on but dragging my feet in the process. 

 

I just want to find love. I want to find happiness. I want to find someone who is willing to take the ups and the downs. Accept my imperfections. Love me when I cant stand to love myself. 

At what point do I have to give up on this notion of a great romance? Look around and settle for someone who will treat me good, even if my heart will never skip a beat the way it did when I was with you.