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Time keeps moving forward and I keep standing still.

Feet placed firmly in the sand as the waves rush up and glide over my toes;

My feet keep sinking further and further as each wave crashes and tries to drag me out to sea. 

I am always moving through the same motions. 

The same people.

The same mistakes.

I am still as reckless at 25, as I was at 21.

I drink in excess and lust

and regret

and repeat.

I have this overwhelming sense of guilt. 

His lips pressed on my lips. I barely know him. 

but kissing is meaningless to me.

A parting gift. 

but it has always meant something to you…

and that’s where the guilt comes in.

You don’t want my mind. body. soul. 

but you don’t want anyone else to have it either.

You always said its the meaning behind the kiss…

it’s what it could lead to. 

Well my dear, it rarely leads to anything in my case..

I’m a modern day tease.. but I try to push the boundaries


Aren’t we all carnal..

desiring passion, lust, love, seduction?

His hands on my body…

..my hands on his.


You have these insane ideas of everything being pure.

News flash they haven’t been pure since you broke my heart,

came back, ripped it out of my chest again, and placed it on display for all the world to see.


This is my own fault. I wait and then I spin wildly out of control. 

The guilt is because I know this will hurt you. but I need to stop caring about what hurts you. 

You stopped caring about what hurts me. 


I cant keep hanging on by one arm waiting for you to see the light. 

I need to dive head first into the abyss and not look back.

it’s just hard. It’s hard when you let go. It’s hard when you come back.


I can take the infinite time and space apart. i find ways to occupy my time.

It’s the coming back I can’t ignore. 

and you just keep coming


and my list of mistakes