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Deep down it starts to stir.

Flashbacks. Reliving those Flashbacks.

It starts to wind me up inch by inch.

Suffocating any other thoughts.

Shake off that feeling. Keep shaking off that feeling.

 

There are plenty of distractions.

and I dance with those distractions

Dancing,

Lights,

Spinning,

Self medicating,

then my head hits the pillow.

The flood gates open and I let it pour out of me.

I reach out but it’s always so cold.

I’m damned if I do, and I’m damned if I don’t.

 

Thank god for good friends

Thank god for the people who have held my hand

held my hand for two years

braved this storm.

Those who saw beauty when I could only see a disaster

 

The waiting is what I need to purge myself of

This isn’t a movie

You won’t show up at my door

There is no light you will see

There is no light that will ever lead you to me

 

You are trying to break me like a bad habit

Rid yourself of whatever desire drew you to me time

and time again

Your leaving and taking no survivors

Burning everything to the ground.

Setting Every Memory on Fire.

That’s not what love is.

No great love story has this chapter.

not this much pain

not this much pain over and over

 

There I go again

Letting all of my feelings start bubbling over