I am taking a stab at living on sweet nothing. My girlfriends gossip is like a whirlwind in my head. There’s Mike, David, Mitch, Justin, Adam, Joey, Vincent, Pat, Will, Chris, the list swirls up, down, around, and we have all of these people that are not filling the void.
Ladies and gents you know what I mean… you have that starting line up perhaps? you have those few people you can talk to when times get lonely but when you put it in perspective you could never date them. I’m just tired of it all. The replacements. I understand. I understand the need for attention. To feel wanted. It feels good to be wanted.
I guess I just realized the past few days that I am tired of the facade. You know some people need that constant attention, they cant breathe without it. They need to know that they are desirable and that makes them feel worthy. I’m not judging because honestly that was me. but I just don’t want it anymore. So I stopped all together. There is literally not one male in my life right now that I am carrying on a back and forth cat and mouse game with.. and oddly enough it feels good.
There are few truths I needed to come to terms with:
I wasted two years chasing around my ex. Honestly, it was probably me doing the chasing 90% of the time and him 10%. I couldn’t let it go.
I needed to let go.
I want love but maybe need to figure myself out more first
I need to stop wasting my time and other peoples.
So that’s what I’ve been doing. Sure I get lonely. but before I pick up the phone, I always think is this going to be worth it in the long run. and it helps me pull myself together. and when that doesn’t work in those fleeting moments.. I decide to blog.
If there is anyone out there that has followed this blog for a while .. then you know it has been a roller coaster. Love comes easy to some people, relationships come easy to some people, unfortunately those people aren’t me. at any rate I appreciate the eyes that read this blog and listen to me piss and moan.