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I awake again surrounded by the fog. Doomed to wander in the mist barely seeing whats in front of me. All I have to go on is hope, that eventually I will see the light. Your gravity is trying to pull me back under again, back into the dreamy dark like state. Lately, traveling in the fog hasn’t been so bad, it’s familiar, that feeling of not knowing where I am going but knowing it’s better then being surrounded by the darkness.

The last few things you said float through my mind like a melody. You care about me, you want to be with me, it’s just not possible. Not possible. Not possible. Not possible. I’ve always had that fight in me. Fight to make it perfect. Fight to make it right. Fight to make you stay. Fight to make you see. I have no problem giving every last breath to try and make this work. Because I love you and that’s what people who love each other do. They try to make it work. Even on your worst day I still want to be the person next to you holding your hand. but it’s hard to be willing to sacrifice everything for someone who has already given up. 

So I pull away because it’s what you want. i travel through this fog barely seeing whats in front of me, but hoping that eventually I will find someone who is going to love me as much as I love them.  It takes the strength of 10,000 men to hold me back from going under and letting you sink your twisted lies back into me again.

Feels good to hear your voice, your hands on my skin, to watch you play pretend. but I can’t let that happen this time. Some things are better left in the past. Some things are better left unsaid, better left broken, like my heart after watching you leave for the millionth time. and my dignity after begging you stay.