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It’s all about the power. Who has the upper hand. Who cares the least. Who has the most freedom. Who does it affect the least.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the moment. That’s my problem. Things get hot and heavy and my brakes give out. I am racing down the freeway going 110, and you parachute out of the car as I slam into the concrete wall. It’s always that way with me, and it feels like it always will be. I might have a new passenger but as soon as things get to 110 mph you can count on me self destructing. 

It’s weird I do it to myself. I can tell a mile away that you will be bad for me. It’s as almost as if I can see our entire relationship flash before my eyes before I even meet you, the passion, the wanting, the needing, the suffocating, and then me standing outside in the rain watching you walk away. It flashes before my eyes and I still dive right in.

I make small steps. I try and control myself. Don’t let it get to far, Don’t talk to him, Delete his number, Actively stop your mind from thinking about him.. but the more I force myself to stay away from you the more I want you. The more dangerous you are to my well being the more I want to drink you in. 

There are a million reasons why I should run the opposite direction. You are strikingly handsome, and you know it. You have money to the point where it doesn’t mean a thing to you anymore. You’re motivated and determined, but your ego is the size of the titanic. You want me to want you, you need it but if you need the attention from me who else do you need this attention from? You have me and then I quit cold turkey and you need me again. I told you we were toxic for each other, I told you the moment we started this. I knew and now I’ve stopped again. 

I am to old to be playing these games with you. I am to old and I have been through to much. At some point stability has to outweigh my need for passion. At some point I have to start wanting whats good for me.

Why is it that the bad feels so damn good before it blows up in my face.