Running from the strings that are normally supposed to get attached. attached after pretending that something means nothing and kissing you was just filling my inner carnal needs. out of body experience. out of body in a totally detached not knowing you anymore, not knowing us, knowing there is no us, not wanting an us, watching the magic float out of the room..slipping through my fingers..not fighting hard enough to make it stay… kind of way. I am fighting hard to suck the venom out of my wounds and not let it poison me back into misery. it’s funny watching your body reject us, reject me, in any way possible. to watch you fight it and lose. to watch you try and bring me down. to laugh and laugh and watch your words fall like rain drops while I dance under my umbrella. you draw these lines in the sand…but you step over them every time. and i draw lines and you draw lines, what are we even still drawing these lines for? your inquiring mind got the best of you, to many questions for someone who doesn’t care. I keep asking myself what I did this for, why again, self saboteur, but do I care or am I fighting the crazy or has it not settled in. or maybe it has. maybe it has. I didn’t feel it this time. that heart racing, mouth drying, butterfly feeling. the room didnt get dizzy and my body didn’t tingle when you were near. I went through the motions, I faked it, how could you not have seen it. Do I dare admit my mind wandered to thoughts of other people during the course of you trying to love me from the inside out. all i know for certain is i don’t know much of what i want. what i feel. what i think of you. if i never answer after this i hope you get to see the magic float out of the room to.