Flashes in to thoughts of you. Memories with singed edges, almost completely burnt away, almost. Flashes out back to reality, shake off the nausea, the pins and needles. Mundane tasks take over for a while, until insecurities slowly creep back in. Thoughts jump from one to another, until I am completely submerged in the what if’s and where have you been’s. Pull myself back out of the trenches and flop back down on to reality. Day resumes as normal karate chopping memories in half before they have the chance to emerge. Night time falls and so does my will to keep things at bay. Why, why, what if, who, why, why, remember. I point fingers at you but that doesn’t mean my hands are clean. I have been twisted between sheets and whispering empty promises to individuals that would set your soul on fire. I hope you don’t do as I do and that you’re still perfect the way you always threw in my face that you were. Not that it matters. Not that any of this really matters anymore. I cross off the days and it’s not missing you that plagues me any longer. It’s not the lonely nights. It’s not the lack of conversation. It’s not even so much the memories. I can deal with those. I cross the days off knowing I am coming closer to the point in time when I will find out who my replacement is. Who has filled your nights with passion. Whose hand has slipped in yours. Who the next victim is of your psychological murderous torture. I will officially be labeled as the past then and it makes my blood run cold… my knees buckle.. and my chest collapse.
Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock.