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I have been on somewhat of a hiatus since the move and now I feel like I can finally sit down and write. It has been an exciting week. My family helped me with the big move and when we got to my apartment to start unloading things we found just about 200 things broken inside the place. You can imagine what kind of headache the rest of the day was. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I move all of my stuff in and complain everyday until the items were fixed, or do I say screw this. Well I went with the complain everyday route, and one week later only half the stuff is fixed.

Not a great way to kick off the day, family yapping in my ear about how unprofessional our apartment community is, and moving in general is always high stress. At the end of the day I was ready to kick my feet up and crack open a cold one, and that is exactly what I did. My family is best friends with another family in our hometown. They also have a son that is my age, and we have grown up friends. His name is R and he lives in the city I just moved to. He came over and brought a six-pack of shock top. My roommate and R decided it was time to hit the bar for a beer, so he showed us the local hot spot in town.

It was a fun night catching up and celebrating. I have had a few days off before classes really kicked into gear. My roommate and I, her name is J, laid by the pool during the day and checked out the city to see what cool things it had to offer. Which is a lot of neat stuff. We got to eat lunch in this little park area, with local food trucks in town selling cool food, we checked out a part of the city that has unique bars and restaurants along with boutiques. We ate sushi in what appeared to be a hole in the wall restaurant but when you walked inside it was very nice. We went to a market that had just about every fresh food you could imagine and more. It was a good time.

Thursday night we decided to go out and grab some beers with one of our college friends we knew from a while back. He drove us around to some cool happy hours and my friend R decided to stop by when we got home. At this point I drank enough happy hour drinks to be very happy. J, R, and I sat up talking, drinking, and watching stand up comedy, which was hilarious. Time always flies when you are having fun so around 1:00 a.m. J decided it was time to go to bed. She gracefully bowed out of the drunken laugh fest. R and I stayed up for another two hours talking.

This is where things get juicy. R is good friends with my asshole ex-boyfriend V. He has tried to remain in neutral territory since me and V started dating. He warned me in the beginning that V was known to be somewhat of an asshole but to do what I want. Well as you know how the story of V and me goes, I should have listened to what R had to say. I haven’t talked to V since I left; he sent me one long extremely rude text message that I never responded to. Good Riddens. Anyways R explained to me he has been kind of talking to this girl for the past three months, and that V had met her before. He then tells me that V propositioned her at the bar saying that R, V and her should have a threesome together. How outrageous. I was extremely pissed off but played it off well at the time. Mr. Innocent I don’t talk to anyone else and haven’t done anything since you isn’t so innocent. He always had to play that card, about how great he was and how he never thought about doing anything with anyone.

Anyways moving on. Shortly after R told me that I told him I was tired. I was lying on the couch and I closed my eyes for a brief second. All of a sudden I felt his hand on my stomach and I opened my eyes to him laying a smooch on me. I had 100 things racing through my drunken brain. One how outraged I was at V for being such a fucking liar. Two that part of me has wanted to kiss R since I got here. Three I cant let this lead to anymore.

The smooch session lasted for an hour, It was like high school all over again. Making out, heavy petting, him trying to coax me into sleeping with him, me denying him. Until I told him it was time for me to go to bed. He slept over and I woke up faced with the how awkward is this scenario going to be. I decided to make it as least awkward as possible. We cuddled and watched TV for a little and he left. When he left he kissed me on the forward, which felt so weird, and said he would call me later.

Here is the kicker. He never called later. My brother decided to come down and visit… guess who had the only visitor parking pass still in their car… yep you guessed it R. So I reluctantly had to text him and ask if I could get the pass back. Which he took forever to respond to me to and ended up dropping it off the next day. That night he got drunk and we were both texting again. I told him I am done trying to hang out with him ( I am pretty dramatic I suppose ) which he responded back to at 2:30 a.m. asking me where I was.

This has just spun way out of control. There are literally 1000 reasons for us not to ever let what happened the other night happen again, but for some reason I keep thinking about it. We have been friends for so long that, this hasn’t destroyed our friendship or anything. Honestly it isn’t the first time this has happened. About 5 or 6 years ago we had kissed to, it never affected anything and we just went along with it never happening. Now though I keep thinking about it. I don’t want to want him. I don’t even know why I do.

I think maybe it’s the new city and he is like a piece of home, so it’s nice. I don’t know. I just know I don’t want to want him.

Enough of that saga, it’s just nice to be able to vent about it. I feel guilty because it’s V’s friend to. I feel guilty because I just had made out with someone three weeks ago. I feel guilty because he is kind of talking to someone. I just feel horrible ughhh.

On to other things. Law school prep classes started today. I was nervous of being one of the only 25 year olds in the class but luckily a lot of people were around my age. It went surprisingly a lot better then I thought it was going to go. I have been mentally preparing myself for a horror show of classes. It is going to be extremely time consuming, but I am ready for it. Ready to be around like minded people who have the desire to learn. The conversations we were engaging in during class everyone was thirsty for knowledge.

Law School is going to be a major commitment. I need to just commit to that. To be quite frank swear off all men until I get into the swing of things and buy a vibrator. I am to emotionally fucked up from the last relationship I don’t even know how to be normal anymore with someone. What is the courtship phase like again? how am I suppose to be acting? how many days do you wait to call someone? I don’t have the time or patience for games. V has made me a crazy person.

Honestly I just don’t want to like anyone at all. I want to be married to my work right now. Married to school. Married to success. Fuck everything else. Please remind me to keep my eye on the prize over the next few months.