Finally Friday and boy is there excitement in the air. I move on Monday to a brand new city and to start a brand new chapter in my life, Law School. Today was my last day at work and it was bitter sweet. I am terrible with goodbye’s, I know I will see all of these people again because I plan to visit but still it was a little awkward. I told everyone how I appreciated working with them and good luck. Then I ran out… into the day… breathed the fresh air… sighed… and realized how glad I was to be done with that chapter in my life.
It got me thinking about goodbyes. Some goodbyes you almost always know will be forever. Some goodbyes you know won’t stick. Some goodbyes are happy and some goodbyes are sad. Some goodbyes you don’t even really know what they mean, they linger, and your not sure if it’s permanent.
Tonight I will be meeting all of my closest girlfriends for dinner, drinks, and lots of laughs. We have all been close for the last ten years. In that decade I have been closer to one than closer to another. Two of the girls are in serious relationships, one is engaged, and the other probably will be engaged within the next year or two. My last friend is the one I am closest to and she is single. I think it kinda happens that way. It is easier to hang out with my single friend and go out, especially in the last year of my heartbroken life. I couldn’t bear to be around couples.
I am nervous for the goodbye’s tonight. The two girls who are in serious relationships are so busy planning my one friends wedding and wrapped up in their relationships that it’s once a month we get together and can catch up, if that. We don’t talk on the phone very often but when we do it is like no time has passed. With me moving away we might very well lose touch.
It seem’s to me that I have a lot of uncertain goodbyes.
V texted me Tuesday. Out of the blue. When I wasn’t feeling blue about us at all. Ironic isn’t it? He asked “When are you moving again?” and I responded with “Monday”, “Ok” he said. I didn’t respond and he didn’t try to carry on the conversation. Honestly, did I want to know why he was contacting me the week before I leave? Yes.. did I wan’t to ask him? No. Any response to why he wanted to know would have lead to a lethal comment that I would have spent weeks over analyzing. Does he wan’t to meet up and say goodbye? I don’t think so. I don’t even know honestly if I would want to see him. There is just to much that has been said and there is to much he could never take back. I am finally just getting to a point where I don’t want him anymore. At least that is the way it feels. Do I want to take 50 steps backwards by seeing him? No
So another uncertain goodbye…
All I know is I am excited for what is to come. Changing my address, moving a few hours away, pursuing my J.D. degree. It feels like I am starting over. I get a second chance at being happy. Isn’t that weird? I don’t want to carry any of the baggage from here with me.
I picture myself on the back of a ford pick up truck, that is going 70 miles an hour, kicking up dust, while I watch V and all the other bad memories from my past.. fade away… far far away…
I will be posting more soon. Stay with me here over the next few days I am going to be a busy bee.