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So I woke up this morning and had a text from VM. We haven’t spoken in a while and honestly when I saw his number on my screen I at first had no idea who it was (I had deleted his number). Then I realized once my fuzzy morning brain woke up that it was him. All it said was “mhmmmm” and it was sent at 2:00 a.m. which he used to saying turning our textual sexual conversations. I ignored it. Which I never do. I always respond, even if I’m sleeping, typically i would apologize for missing his text, or just send something else in the morning. I didn’t and damn it feels good.

The last time we spoke he said evil things which apparently he thinks he can say whatever he wants and Im still going to want him. I know that he was probably in the “mood”, just got home from the bar, and decided to shoot a text out to me. It is insulting. I am not your rag doll. I just am so done with this shit and him. I will be leaving this city in two weeks, there is no point in dragging this out any longer. I don’t care what he says, I don’t care if he will be visiting his other friends in the same city I’m moving to, he has always acted like even if I’m going to be two hours away that he will be around. Whether thats true or not, I hope he keeps my phone number out of his drunk dialing hands.

I hope he woke up this morning and was scratching his head as to why I didn’t respond. I hope he gets that deep heavy feeling in the pit of his stomach, I hope that sinking feeling in his heart starts to happen, and he realizes that I am the one who will be ignoring him from now on. I am the one who no longer wants him. I hope he wanders around trying to figure out what exactly changed and I hope it hits him on the head like a ton of bricks that he no longer has me to string along.

It probably won’t but a girl can wish right?

I was out to dinner last night with one of my girlfriends and we decided to catch a movie. When I was walking out to my car I saw this couple that had been eating dinner next to us walking out. He was holding her hand and she was leaning her head on his shoulder as they strolled to the car. Once they got to the car he walked her to the passenger side door and opened it for her to get in, this was a couple my age. My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t believe that men still did that for women? Simple gesture made me believe maybe chivalry isn’t dead. I don’t know if I have been just treated so badly or if the type of guys I hang around with are immature but I thought opening doors went out of style 50 years ago, I am happy to see it is still alive and thriving.

To all the hopeless romantics out there I think we still have a shot at the fairytale.

“Don’t you see don’t you see that the charade is over? and all the best deceptions and the clever cover story awards go to you! So kiss me hard cuz this will be the last time that I let you.”