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It has been a rocky road with VM to say the least. Over a year and a half of this love-hate tug-o-war. It is a slippery slope and I started to fall down the same path that I fell down before. I think he might be incapable of feeling anything, or he either keeps people so far away from him because he doesn’t want to get hurt. I am just so tired of the same old story. The same ending. We can’t re-write this relationship because honestly he does not care enough to give it a happy ending.
He is so negative all of the time and about every aspect of my life. I just don’t understand how you could be so unsupportive, even as my friend. I honestly have never encountered someone who has been this negative to me. He thinks I made the wrong choice in regards to law school, that I will be miserable in the new city I am moving to, and that I will end up back in our hometown within 6 months. He told me that guys will only like me initially but once they get to know me, and my personality they wont like me. That I am conceited and I fuss too much. That he would rather go to hell than be stuck with me for the rest of his life. He will say some of those things then say haha just kidding. Which is offensive as hell.
I told him that I am not conceited, I just know I don’t deserve to be talked to this way, no one does. I made the right choice in regards to law school and I will be happy where I am at. The only thing that really hurt and really resonated with me is the comment about a man never wanting to be with a person like me. I don’t want to believe him but that scares me. I hope that my personality is not undesirable.
VM can be so nice and act so interested some times and then literally be the devil the next minute. I just can’t take it anymore. He has permanently damaged me as a person. Some of the negative things that he says about me I believe. No one should make you feel unworthy. I am not looking for the story book romance, I know it doesn’t exist. He always would say this isn’t like the movies, or titanic, or the notebook, guys don’t act that way. I don’t expect them to… But I do expect them to take interest in me as a person. To want more than just looks and to want to sweep me off my feet a little.
He changes his mind every day about talking. It is literally the most un-nerving thing ever. Every day he is either interested or thinks it’s a bad idea that we are talking again. I can’t deal with the instability. I know we will never be in a relationship again but I don’t want to worry about if it’s ok to talk on Wednesday but not ok on Friday. It is way to stressful.
I asked him if he cared that I was moving and that we really only had a few weeks to be good and possibly hang out. He told me “No… Oh well..” So Finally I had enough. I told him that ” That’s all I needed to know, This was a huge waste of my time, and you literally care about nothing.” he responded ” I care about a lot of things.” which I then said “Quit wasting my time.” and he responded “You are wasting your own time, psycho.” and I should have ignored but I responded “No you were wasting my time, and still currently are.” and he didn’t respond.
A little childish towards the end but it is true. His mixed signals, games, and not knowing what he wants ever is to damn frustrating. I am just done. I don’t have time to sit and fret over him every single day. I don’t have time to wonder if he is going to be in a good mood when he talks to me today. I don’t understand when he says lets stop talking than texts me the next day. If he doesn’t care enough to be nice to me and try to get along than screw it. Seriously. this was a huge waste of time. The last few weeks were a huge mistake.
I just need someone who is going to not belittle me at every turn. Not treat me like a piece of meat and not act like they don’t give a shit about anything.
He makes me feel like I don’t matter at all. And you know what maybe I don’t matter to him and that’s fine. But from now on he isn’t going to matter to me either.