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I lay on the floating dock breathing in and exhaling. The smell of salt water bounces around in my head and makes me feel blissfully dizzy. The sun in all of its glory is beating down rays of sunshine, which I can feel radiating into every molecule of my being. My limbs are exhausted from treading water, from fighting to get to the surface, my lungs rejoice as oxygen floods in and out.

But something always draws me back into the water. The singing seagulls beg me to stay out on the dock. “Don’t get back in!” they cry. My hair dries out and golden lockets start to form, falling gracefully down the back of my shoulder blades. “Don’t get back in!” they cry once more. “You’ve finally dried out!” I reassure them with my soothing voice that on the dock I plan to stay. How happy I am on the dock, how happy I am in the sun, how sweet the salt water air smells.

But something starts to work its way into my heart like a splinter. The water is so cool, so refreshing, and so familiar, if I go back… I surely won’t be in for long. To feel the water against my skin, the coolness of its kiss, it’s endless beauty. Slowly I drop one foot in and another, just the feet, surely that will suffice. And it does for days it does. The pitter patter of my feet playing in the water, this isn’t so bad. But I ache for more. In and out I promise myself. In and out no harm no foul. 

I dive in once more and it feels glorious the instant my body is engulfed in the deep blue sea. But darkness starts to settle around, I am swimming my way back up to the top but I can’t find my way out. I am fighting against the magnetic pull to swim deeper. If I could only find one ray of sunshine to lead me back to the dock, back to safety, back to where things made sense. The water is so suffocating. Just let me breathe. But there is no compromise. So here I am once again fighting my way back to the dock, back into the sun, I just want to dry off and leave the sea where it belongs.

We only work for that split second of diving in. Then it changes, you change, you drag me down, you pull me under, forcing water into my lungs and forcing me to beckon at your every call. I fight so hard to get to the surface, why can’t we just be harmonious with one another, why must you be all consuming. You don’t love me like the sun does. 

I am stronger than before the summer air and singing seagulls say it so. I will fight my way back up to the top; I will cast off the sea forever. I swear I will.