Hmm. Where to begin. O yes I know, the rant that I wrote yesterday about having the upper hand lasted until about 8:00 p.m. last night.
It has been a very long time since certain needs down below were fulfilled. Not that I couldn’t have had those needs fulfilled by others but I have this problem with wanting the familiar. I have never been able to just sleep around. Which I think is a wonderful thing. There is something about sex that marks a stamp on you forever.
Anyway like I was saying yesterday the only true power I really have over him is that for some reason he is undeniably attracted to me. In my boredom and sheer curiosity I texted him some “interesting” things. Which he reciprocated and it was a good, fun, time. It was like reading fifty shades of grey right off of my phone.
Unfortunately, after that we started chatting about twitter, which he apparently has never even looked at mine. One thing lead to another and I receive a text message of him having a psychotic breakdown about who I am following. I feel like I am in high school even writing this. Who would have thought 10 years later… the same immature antics would be going on. We bantered back and forth about my page and his, which I honestly only brought up to prove a point. I have this real big problem with having to argue my point until I am blue in the face (good thing I am going to law school).
I told him “I don’t care who you follow or what you do. I am trying to prove the point that I have not yelled at you for one thing in regards to the opposite sex.” We both know we can’t be together its unspoken we just don’t work. So then he was on this tangent trying to get me to say I care? Which there is literally no way in F those words will come out of my mouth again. That ship has sailed. Maybe he should have thought about that when he was emotionally beating me to my knees three months ago.
So it was like 5 text messages of admit you care. just say you care. i know you care just admit it. on and on. which I ignored and just kept arguing my point about twitter. He used to use this nice little tactic on me where he would say I am going to bed right in the middle of our conversation. Boy did it really grind my gears. The me from months ago would continue to text and have a mental breakdown if he didn’t respond. We are far from that my friends. So he said he was going to bed and I didn’t say anything else. I don’t give a shit go to bed. You just ruined the somewhat fun we were having over my twitter followers, get a grip.
So then I get the jaw dropping message. Let me pull my phone out and write this word for word: “Act like you don’t care and don’t admit it..Whatever…I’ll admit I care what you do for a lot of reasons.. Some reasonable..Some insane.. But that’s just how I work. I try not to but when we talk I do again.. I am going to bed I will talk to you later.”
I know you are thinking I mean this is a mediocre text at best but coming from the biggest asshole on the planet it is quite shocking. I mean I think I can count on one hand the number of times he has actually said he cared about me, without me having to force it out of him. Not to mention we have only had interaction for a few days after a really long time. I didn’t think you would lay all the chips on the table on day 4.
Some of you may be wondering how I responded. Because of course I responded. and I said ” Its a bad idea for you to care. Tonight was fun. Goodnight.” and he never responded. which i didn’t think he would. I mean I may have high fived myself after that response.
Honestly, everything has always been me begging, pleading, chasing him, wanting to be with him, crying, doing anything for him. I mean I was the most pathetic doormat you have ever met. So my inner goddess is singing knowing that he openly admitted that he cared.
Now for the disection because as a woman you know we dissect every single thing a man says. He is clearly still a boy, not yet a man. I don’t think he has a good grasp on the difference between lusting after someone and caring for someone. He cares what I do but only in regards to the opposite sex because he has jealousy issues. Someone who cares about you wants to know about your day, your hobbies, likes/dislikes, he is far from that. I don’t want to think this means that he has feelings for me.
Secondly, how do I even begin to take this information. We clearly can not talk every day. I do not want to fall back into the well of sorrow. So today no contact and I really think tomorrow no contact either. but what do I want from this. Someone to get the blood running every few weeks? should I really let that person be him since he ripped my guts out. I want him to be the victim this time around, thats horrible to say but I do. I just dont think its possible, its not in his nature, but after last nights I care comment….
I need space thats for sure. I can do well with not giving a rat’s ass as long as I take my days. He is like a drug and I need detox time.
The more I get older the more I realize that women rule the world and it’s as simple as what we have between our two legs. How can we have that much power with something so simple. I mean honestly. I have been looking for this complex secret on men when really that was it. It has been a joke for centuries but really its true. The power of the V. Unbelievable.