As you know, I talked to my ex this past weekend. After three months and no talking, we went three days talking everyday. Is that smart? Hell no. I didn’t slip back into the old sappy mess I was, thank God, and the last conversation we had I did have the upper hand but still something is aching inside.
I keep going through the same questions: Do you want to date him? No. Do you want to be physical with him? No. Do you want to see him? Not really. Then what is it. I think I want him to want me. How childish. I want him to chase me the way he made me chase him. Unfortunately, I think feelings are still lingering for him because I am spending way to much time obsessing about this.
In our conversation it was pretty clear that all he was interested in was the physical. I started to think about the past and everything. I think honestly all he was ever interested in was that. I think he is attracted to me and thinks im good-looking. The major rift in our relationship was always the fact that he didn’t act like he cared. Truth of the matter is he didn’t care. I mean his main focus was trying to bed me.
I made it pretty clear that there was no way in F it was going to happen again. That he could talk to me all he wanted but the end result was never going to be us meeting up and making his fantasy’s come true. I haven’t heard from him since. I honestly think he was intoxicated all weekend and that was the only reason he was texting me so much.
My best friend informed me that they were all out at the bar on Sunday living it up, so it makes sense that during the night-time he was so chatty.
I guess I am proud of myself that I have not tried to get a hold of him this week. I am glad I didn’t fall into his sweet talking non-sense. but part of me wishes that I would have realized sooner what he was all about. How could I have been so naive. I guess I really can’t hurt someone who has never had deep feelings for me beyond the physical.
His mixed signals just always confused me. Even now he is still so jealous. Within the first 24 hours of talking he wanted to know if I was talking to anyone else, or if anything has happened since we stopped talking. He is bad news. bad bad news. I know I need to just stay away from him. Part of me doesn’t regret talking because I often need to be reminded of how immature he is.
I want someone who wants me for more than just the physical. My brain needs stimulating more than anything else, my loser ex who never picked up a book is never going to be able to satisfy that portion of me.