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My birthday was this past weekend and I turned 25 years old. It’s funny how excited I used to get and how that all changed after 21. Birthday’s aren’t so much about having a ton of people around and drinking enormous amounts of alcohol anymore. What’s more important is the people who are around you. I just wanted my good girlfriends and a good atmosphere.

The night was a whirlwind we ended up downtown at some very cute bars, some of my guy friends that I have not seen honestly in 6 months showed up which was a nice surprise. One thing lead to another and we decided to go to the casino, I lost $30.00 on slot machines but it was one hell of a time. The night trailed on and at 2:00 a.m. my younger brother came and picked me up to take me back home. Thank god for that random act of kindness. I was able to be driven home safely and woke up in my own bed stress free…

Until I remembered the 3:00 a.m. text message I sent out while being driven home. “I miss you, I still haven’t been with anyone else.” How horrifying. I mean subconsciously I guess I was expecting to hear from him on my birthday but never did. I don’t really know. He responded back with 5 text messages which I was sleeping so he never got a response. Now he has been texting me the last three days. How the F are we back to this.

And to be honest with you it doesn’t even feel good. He is attracted to me and that’s it. He is not interested in anything deeper than the physical and he makes that blatantly apparent. I am not interested in the physical or the mental aspect of him at all. We are in our mid-twenties and he talks like  a 16 year old high school boy raging with hormones. Not to mention he is still so jealous. He asks me if I’ve kissed anyone since him, we have been on non-speaking terms for three months. We have seen each other once in 9 months. Of course! I have kissed someone since then. I don’t even know why I let him make me feel bad about it. Shouldn’t he just be happy that I haven’t slept with anyone?

See this is exactly why I haven’t been talking to him. I always forget until we are right back at it again. He makes me question my every move. He was literally trying to talk me out of the Law School I was going to. Really? where were you the last three months when I was making these tough choices. I honestly think it’s because he doesn’t want me to leave our city. News flash I will be moving away from you and the drama. And to be honest I am going on to a great opportunity. I don’t need your two sense.

I am all hot and bothered. I don’t understand why I am giving him the time of day. Part of me wants to relish in the fact that he is semi chasing me a little bit. Part of me wants to hurt him the way he hurt me. And I think some part of me is still attracted to him physically. So what do I do?

I have never been a person to just lead someone on and blatantly play with their head but I kind of think he needs it. I honestly just know that if we talk every day I will get hurt again. So I 100% am telling him he cannot contact me on a regular basis.

0o0o The twisted web we weave. I need to back out before it’s too late.