, , , , , , , , , , ,


I decided I am going to write my Ex a goodbye letter. A goodbye letter I am never going to send and one he will never read. I recently have discovered that he is now talking to other women. I wasn’t naive I knew this day was going to come, I don’t know if he is dating anyone serious but I am sure that will hurt all the same if I found out he is. I need to stop stalking his every move on social media websites, it’s funny, I swear that it was easier back in the day to get over someone. I didn’t have to turn my computer on and see every place they have ever been in the last 24 hours and who with. Cheers to letting go:

Dear V,

It has been two months since we actually talked last. I still don’t understand how you could just cut me out of your life the way you did. All the time we spent together and you didn’t even want to end on civil terms. I guess that’s what hurts the most. The last time we talked to you said things that you knew would beat me to my knees and there are no regrets on your behalf. You lite my world on fire and didn’t even look back. We both weren’t perfect. I am emotional and the more you pushed me away the more I needed you. I just wanted to know that you cared. You left so many times and then came back and I begged you back and I just never felt wanted. I never felt like I was your everything. I always thought at any moment you were going to walk out. I guess I just never thought we would end. I thought that we both were so entranced with each other that it was never going to end. Ever since the night I met you I haven’t gone one day without thinking about you. It hasn’t been easy these past two months. I fall down then I have to get right back up again. Some days are easier and some days I find myself checking my phone wondering if you are going to call. The worst part is I have no idea if you miss me. Part of me thinks you have to, you have to miss me a little bit, but than I realize you completely cut me off so how could that be. I am about 90% positive you are talking to someone knew, 10% of me thinks that maybe you aren’t because I’m not. How can you do that? it is so soon. You said you never loved me and that I never let it get that far. You knew I loved you. What is it that you hated so much about me? Did my past really bother you that much that you had to punish me every day for it? Is that what it comes down to? Who have I kissed? Who have I dated? You were so ashamed and embarassed to even be associated with me. Am I a bad person? I don’t try to be. I don’t intentionally try to hurt anyone. I actually started to believe that I wasn’t a good person you said it so often. There’s a million reasons why we shouldn’t be together but none of them matter to me. I don’t know why I still want to talk to you but I do. I don’t know why I miss you but I do. I don’t know why i can’t bring myself to even be in the same city as you. All I know is the only choice I have is to move on now. and every day I don’t even let myself think about what it would be like if we were still together. I try to keep myself busy and I hope to wake up one day to this not mattering anymore.