It is a question that has been asked literally a million times. If you google how long it takes to get over someone 77,000,000 million websites come up. I wish there was an exact time and date. I wish quantifiably it was proven no matter how deeply you were in love it takes X amount of months and you will be fine. Unfortunately, it’s just not true.
One of the more popular sayings is ‘It takes half the amount of time you were with someone to get over them.” To be completely honest that is a drag, that means it is going to take me 8 months to fully recover. People who say that are not making anyone feel any better. So a couple who has been married for 5 years isn’t going to recover for 2.5 years. I don’t have that kind of time.
Or “you need to replace that person with someone else in your life and you will be fine.” Let’s just say I have explored this method and it always ends up 20x worse. either for you or the other person. It is planting a relationship flower in a garden of heartbreak, sooner or later it will die.
You know I am at a place now where the good days out number the bad. And I don’t think about running to the phone and dialing his number nearly half as often as I did before. But I still do think about it. I still wonder if he misses me and thinks about me. I still don’t want him to be with anyone else. But I do realize that it is never going to work between us. That I could have done some things better and he could have been a whole lot nicer.
I was waiting on him to change. I thought all the bad days they would eventually amount to good days. And if I waited long enough he would change. He would realize just how much I love him and that he would want to be a better guy. I was naive.
Don’t get me wrong I think that men can slightly improve, but not drastically. He is who he is. Maybe there will be a woman who comes along and he wants to be that prince charming to. That’s a fact I have to accept. Honestly that is the hardest thing to accept. That I wasn’t what he wanted. That he didn’t want me anymore. That I wasn’t worth it to him. and that he never loved me.
It is 100% completely true that just because you love someone doesn’t mean they belong in your life. Some lessons need to be learned. You need to learn how to let go. You need to learn rejection. You need to go through the hard times, how else are you going to recognize and appreciate all of the good.
We tend to romanticize the good parts of the relationship and forget about the bad. So if there is one thing I have read that actually makes sense is write down all of the bad things. You don’t have to go over it every day. You just need to write them down. Get it out of your system. Those days when you feel bad, and you feel like you wan’t to pick up the phone and dial. Glance at it. Remember.
So I am going to make my list below.
The verbal name calling.
Comments that would cut right to your core.
Could never make plans.
Break plans that were already made.
Hated talking on the phone.
Hated having titles.
Never met my family.
Didn’t care about seeing me.
Broke my heart a million times.
I swear he enjoyed me suffering.