I was on vacation for almost a week in Clearwater Beach, Florida. It was amazing to say the least. There is something about not having one obligation but to go to the beach every day that really frees your soul up. If you have read any of my previous blogs you would have realized what a dark desperate place I have been in. Wrapped up in the past and missing the broken relationship I left. Vacation and getting way from here gave me the breath of fresh air I needed.
After breaking down and trying to get a hold of him to ensure he didn’t hate me and having him blatantly ignore me. I finally gave up. I needed to leave where I was for a week, desperately. I needed to be somewhere that wouldn’t trigger any memories. The worst part is escaping the memories. It was wonderful to say the least, I could go out for a drink and not worry if we would run into each other. I could go to the beach and workout without thinking about what he was doing. I could breathe again. That’s the only way to describe it. I woke up and the weight of our failed relationship wasn’t weighing on my shoulders.
Now let’s get to the juicy details of the trip. My best friend also was vacationing an hour away from me. Her family decided to throw a huge party at their gorgeous house on the beach. The house is literally a house you would see on MTV Cribs or an expensive rendition of house hunters. In a turn of events I invited my best guy friends older brother down for the party. He is extremely attractive. Tall, Dark, and Handsome, extremely smart. It was nice having eye candy at the party. We all drank and danced the night away, visited a few bars in town. Met some nice people. The end of the night rolled around and we stayed up on the patio overlooking the ocean chatting. When it was time for bed he grabbed my hand and coaxed me to lay upstairs with him. We had a very intense make-out session, I refused to do anything else. Then I left and went downstairs to sleep in bed with my best gal pal. It was just a spectacular night.
It had been so long since someone acted like they couldn’t get enough of me. That they needed me. That every fiber of their being didn’t want me to leave. That’s how he acted. I needed that. My last relationship dragged on and he acted like I didn’t deserve anything. Even the romance was distant. Honestly, I needed to feel desirable if that makes sense. It was the perfect scenario because he lives in Florida and I can’t get tangled up in that mess. It felt good. It really did.
Ever since coming back I just feel like things are a lot easier. I am scared though that at some point being numb from all the pain I felt before is going to creep up on me. It’s like I’m sitting on pins and needles waiting for the emotions to flood back for my ex. I just hope it isn’t true. I don’t even like saying his name, I feel like if I say it three times it will be like beetle juice and the feelings will appear. I know I care still, just not in the yearning wanting to talk to him kind of way. It’s almost as if the feelings for him are like a big bad rain cloud and I am trying to run towards the sunshine.
If anyone is feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, emotionally exhausted, then get away! Take a trip. Go somewhere to free yourself. I am serious. Adventure, New places, new people, create some new memories.