The dam collapsed and the water violently rushed out. I broke down and contacted him. Sent him a text message asking if we were on okay terms. Which he didn’t answer. So I then sent a second text saying, “I really hope that we are after everything, I don’t want to start “talking” again but I just want to make sure everything is civil between us.” Which elicited no response.
Do I feel stupid? Yes. But in some weird way I don’t have that anxiety about getting a hold of him anymore. I don’t feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders trying to fight the desire to reach out to him. I mean it hurts don’t get me wrong. A million things are going through my mind. ‘Maybe he met someone else? Maybe he hates me? Maybe he doesn’t like me anymore?” and honestly the only thing that would bother me is if he hated me. We have been through so much. We know so much about each other. I just really don’t want him to hate me, because I couldn’t fathom hating him.
I guess it is what it is. Some things can’t be mended. I have never experienced having an ex-flame hate me. I hate when things are just left broken. But maybe this is a lesson I had to learn.